Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
