My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize