some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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