I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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