I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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