There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do herpes really smell.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
