I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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