I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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