he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
