The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
