im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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