Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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