The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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