Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
