Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
