I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
