Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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