I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
