I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize