Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
