I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
