And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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