I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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