I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
