96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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