we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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