I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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