haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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