Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
