We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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