Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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