I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
