A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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