Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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