sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
