I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
