If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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