you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
