Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize