Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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