i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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