So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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