He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
