I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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