Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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