K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
