CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
