Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
