Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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