Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
