Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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