you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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