I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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