Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
