Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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