JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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