I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize