Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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