I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
