last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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