If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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