i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
