I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
