Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
