alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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