Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
