Im at strip club and am horny
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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