hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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