Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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