Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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