i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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