i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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