Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
