I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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