Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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