Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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